mf

The other day, I ripped a hole in the armpit of a Threadless t-shirt. This is only notable because I checked and I'd gotten that shirt almost 16 years ago. It's gotten some wear and tear over the years, especially in the seams for the sleeves, and I don't know if this specific rip is repairable or not. I don't want to throw it out - it's still a good "lounging around the apartment" shirt - but what I'm tempted to do is to buy a new one as close as I can get, and see how the materials are different. Aside from the nearly 16 years of wear and wash, that is.

They're having a sale, too. Inflation means it won't come out close to the same price, even taking that into account, but it'd make for a decent excuse. I've collected enough t-shirts since college that I can go at least two months without repeating one, easily. Three, if I decide to wear the ones I got as podcast promotions as part of the regular rotation instead of being "travel" shirts. It's not something where I've sat down and counted, or even sorted through. I've just collected and worn them. And, frankly, I don't see much reason to stop. As has been said, at least it beats heroin.

In apparent celebration of Migraine World Summit, I have spent this evening having an unscheduled migraine attack for no obvious reason. I disapprove. (Because I've been doing a lot of audiovisual processing, captions notwithstanding? Because I had my screen much brighter than usual for a while playing a colours game?* Because oven't?)

Nonetheless I have watched and made digital notes on all of 2026 Day 2, watched and made digital notes on 3/4 talks from 2025 Day 2 (which I missed at the time), and made physical notes for 2025 Day 1 and 1/4 of Day 2. I am... sort of catching up.

I am really enjoying my pens. I also find myself with the problem of wanting lots of different notebooks and, also, to keep everything in One Single Solitary Notebook, For Convenience...

* NB I am a rocks nerd. My colour discrimination is ludicrously good. I am sorry that that link is weird and competitive about my ridiculous score, but not sorry enough to provide you with the bare link.

Saw Kim Gordon's latest album, PLAY ME, on my Qobuz front page and decided to check it out... and it's so good.

Like, I've never listened to Sonic Youth or any of her previous solo albums, but daaaaammmnnn.

A dash of snow came down around two thirty and again around six. Not enough to stick around, but enough to notice it wasn't rain. It was one of the more exciting moments of a day brought low by a cold. The ENT doctor yesterday and two rapid tests this morning are decent enough confirmation I can accept that's all it is, which is as cold a comfort as I can get these days.

I can't remember when I bought them, but the tonics I got from the herb farm at the farmer's market seem to be doing a better job of calming my throat down than anything else I've tried. As that's all I want them for, I'll stick with what seems to be working. Anything for a good night's sleep. There's only so many pots of tea you can drink in a day.

I currently have a bit of a special interest happening, right. So I spent a bit of today's therapy session talking about it, as one does, and then meandered around to one of my current Big Topics[1], and made it all the way through to the wrapping-up stage of proceedings!

... when My Favourite Metaphor About Therapy abruptly suggested itself to me and I had. A Moment.

Which is how I found myself explaining that, in a thematically appropriate coincidence, said favourite metaphor is "emotional heavy lifting, with trained spotter".

To which came the response: "... can I. borrow that."

And thus: A Good Grade In Therapy.

[1] social anxiety. it's the social anxiety.

Despite bad sleep last night, I got up and got going this morning. I ran just over 2.3 miles in 30 minutes as a new personal record, and took the stairs up to the gym also. I visited an ear-nose-throat specialist and was told I don't need to panic, and hearing it from a professional makes that a good deal easier. I went to a coffee shop on Madison Avenue that was fancy by Madison Avenue standards, got a vanilla latte and a glass of orange juice that were unfortunately both worth the high price tag, wrote some in my notebook, deliberately overtipped, and rode a bike back through Central Park.

I cooked monster sauce for the first time in a long time - so called because it's doctored up out of spare parts. A can of this, half a can of that. Some of this, more of that. It's always tomato based and it's about the only thing I make entirely on vibes. I ate it a lot in grad school, but haven't for years. The timing seemed right to do it tonight.

I did some editing and managed to get my stuff together enough to send out a query letter. I'm gearing up to wait for the rejection while also reminding myself any submission is a good one to stay in practice for the task.

I've gotten lovely notes and great cards, and all that would make it a good birthday. But all that could have gone aside and it'd still be a wonderful birthday. Because some weeks ago, I preordered an album and it arrived today. An album I'd waited weeks for, and months, and an album I could say I waited years for without knowing it. Because for well over a decade, I'd specify the difference between my favorite band presently making music and my favorite band no longer making music. And now I can't make that distinction quite so easily anymore.

Because after 19 years, Voxtrot released their second album.

19 years ago, I was in college. I was looking out towards the Pacific Ocean, drinking a jack and coke because that's what I'd been able to get the courage to buy for myself. I hadn't written any novels, or any fics of substantial length, either. I'd barely learned how to finish what I'd started.

19 years ago, I'd only seen the world end once.

This isn't an album the band could've made back then. They didn't have the broader maturity or experience on display here. It's still Voxtrot, beautifully so, and it's as rich and tasty and filling as ever. I don't know how I'd have taken it if they'd released it 17 years ago, 15, 10. Nineteen years. I've traveled the world and seen it end and seen it come back. I've said goodbye to people without knowing it was the last time, and welcomed more into my life. I've gone dancing and singing and been kissed a few times. There's things I'd change about the last 19 years, and few of them are about my life and what I've been doing.

It took Voxtrot 19 years to make another finely cut gem of an album that I think is better than their first.

I hope it doesn't take them another 19 years.

Via divers alarums and excursions we have established that the oven seems to trip All The Electrics... when it hits A Certain Temperature. ( Read more... )

But. BUT. Today I SAW THE BAT for the first time this year (having been doing a questionable job of actually managing to watch for it at bat o'clock over the last several weeks); and my Special Interest In Moving My Body went surprisingly well; and A curled up on the sofa and did some more Reading About Special Interest with me; and I am actually doing alright.

Fandom: Stranger Things
Pairings/Characters: Steve Harrington & Dustin Henderson
Rating: G
Length: 2,489 words
Creator Link: insignificant457
Theme: Siblings, Gen

Summary: "See, the problem is this: in the past few weeks there's been a distressing increase in the thickness and darkness of the peach fuzz on his upper lip, to the point that it's becoming noticeable and also gross. He should be happy about it, really, because it's a sign of manhood, isn't it?"

Sometimes, not having a dad around really, really sucks. But recently acquiring a big brother does have its perks.

Reccer's Notes: As the author says, "They're brothers your honor." I love the way Steve and Dustin adopted each other in the show, and this fic feels like it could be a missing scene. The voices are spot on, and the vibes are good.

Fanwork Link: Problems of a Follicular Nature

I got invited to my dad's book group meeting tonight in the capacity of caterer. I brought the cake and I helped the host's wife in the kitchen, where she and I ate while the book group sat around the larger table in the dining room. There's no hard feelings - they're friends that wanted to see each other, and I liked catching up with her. We talked about daytime talk shows, MASH and its laugh track, women by themselves, bad books recently read, and a little bit of poetry. She said that the skin on my chest - the dress I wore was modestly low cut and still well below my neck - was an amazing white, pale, smooth, like something in an old poem about describing beautiful women.

She also suggested I'd be good as a special education teacher, and when I said I didn't have the patience for more than one kid, she said I could do one-on-one. I know how hard that work is, and found it deeply touching she thinks so highly of me. It's not something I think I'll actively pursue, and it's still quite touching.

Everyone loved the cake I brought. Two people asked for slices to take home and share, one person asked for a second slice to eat right there, and two more asked for slices for their breakfasts. I was told it was sublime and that I outdid myself; I replied that next time I'd simply have to do myself, which got a chuckle. One of the other members drove there instead of walking or using public transit, so my dad and I got a lift back to our place. A gentle end to a nice night.

Back at the beginning of January beadsbuttonslace wrote up some reflections on this book, which interested me enough that I put in a hold on my library's only digital copy, which was an audiobook, and then I managed to listen to it in under a week, and now I am subscribed to Johnston's newsletter (and reading its archives) and also trying to work out whether I want to buy a physical copy or a digital copy for my own library.

Which is to say: I liked it. A lot.

( Read more... )

And some final notes:

• it was only earlier today that I realised that an article that did the rounds a little while ago, The new MacBook keyboard is ruining my life... is BY THIS SAME PERSON
• at least two of you will be delighted to know that in the Epilogue, she ( spoilers... )

I dreamt last night that I followed Robert Grove of The Goes Wrong Show into a bathroom stall in a shopping centre and attempted to solicit sex from him. He just stared at me and left. I can't believe I was rejected when my approach was so normal and irresistible.

As a consequence of this, I have spent a concerning amount of the day thinking about sex with Robert Grove.

My first instinct was that Robert would be a selfish lover, because, well, he's a selfish person. However! What Robert really wants to do, at all times, is put on a performance and get a warm reception from the audience. In bed, you are his audience, and his main interest is getting a good response from you.

This means he will pay attention to your pleasure in bed! If you're not visibly and audibly enjoying yourself, he's not satisfied. Unfortunately, he is ungracious about this; if your response is not to his satisfaction, he will call you a philistine and sulk.

While Robert is likely of the opinion that thrusting harder equals better sex, you can probably get him to do just about anything if you frame it as a role you'd like him to perform. He is willing to perform oral sex, but will grumble that he prefers speaking roles.

My extremely inexpert assessment of the other members of the Cornley Drama Society in bed:

Annie: Great! Bold and enthusiastic, invested in both of you having a good time, introduces you to some fun new fetishes.

Sandra: Sandra and Robert are both very self-absorbed, but, unlike Robert - who seeks to bolster his ego through your reactions - I think Sandra's mainly interested in her own pleasure in bed. She knows what she's doing, though, which is more than can be said for much of the society. You'll probably still have a good time.

Max: Clueless but enthusiastic. Is, like Robert, very invested in you responding well. Probably not bad overall.

Dennis: Clueless and terrified. He's either dreadful or, much to the surprise of both of you, turns out to be the best sex you've ever had.

Vanessa: Has drawn up an agenda for your sexual encounter, assigning time slots for each specific act, and will become very stressed out if you deviate from it. She'd probably be good if she relaxed a little! She will never relax.

Trevor: I have no idea what Trevor is like in bed, and I find it slightly alarming to contemplate. If it's anything like the way he drives, you are in physical danger.

Jonathan: N/A. You will never sleep with Jonathan. You can try! But somehow the two of you will always be prevented from actually performing the deed. He's probably the best lover in the drama society, but you'll never know.

Chris: Terrible. The worst of the lot. He will try! He will fail. Do not sleep with Chris Bean.

I mean, you can if you want to. It's not that bad; he's just deeply repressed in a way that is unlikely to mesh well with 'hey, it's time for a lot of intimacy and physical contact.' The experience is likely to be disappointing, rather than traumatic. But it's going to be so disappointing.

Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Characters/Pairings: Ronon Dex/John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, Dave Sheppard
Rating: Teen, Gen
Length: 3158 (Homework is 963)
Content Notes: no AO3 warnings apply
Creator Links: Rheanna on AO3, busaikko on AO3, susan_voight on AO3
Themes: Siblings, Friendship, Going home, Established relationship

Summaries:
Ronon starts his e-mail correspondence with Sheppard's brother more or less by mistake.

For some reason, after his father's funeral Dave Sheppard keeps getting e-mail from Ronon Dex.

Reccer's Notes: This is a remix of Homework by busaikko, and they can be read in any order - this is basically a rec for both fics, Fieldwork being from Ronon's POV, and Homework, which is just as good, from Dave's POV. Ronon's in a relationship with John and as part of learning English he starts emailing John's estranged brother, Dave. Rodney then gets involved as Ronon goes to him for help. The characterisations of Ronon, John, and Rodney here are spot on, and it's both funny and moving - a wonderful set of stories.

Fanwork Links: on AO3: Fieldwork and Homework
Alternate DW links: Fieldwork and Homework
Susan_voight podficced both stories, both separately and collated.

I have started a repository for PDFs for Poem in My Pocket Day that I will share starting on March 15th. If you have any PDFs of poems formatted to be printed and you would like to share them -- especially if it's your poetry -- then hit me up at petralemaitre at gmail dot com.

Knowing my parents' summer plans, I don't think I'll want to attend the full vacation with them. I don't know yet if I'll want to attend any of it with them. They're staying in a town a half-hour's drive from Beacon, which is a pleasant enough train ride, so I'm thinking maybe three days, tops, would be okay.

Last time they did this, I only stayed a handful of days. It's not unprecedented in our vacation plans. I'll probably want to get out of New York City in its sticky season, and knowing I'll have a limited amount of time there from the get-go is probably one of the better things I can do to be able to enjoy myself. I've seen what happens when it's all on my parents. It doesn't end well.

Reading. I confess I have tripped and fallen into a special interest and am therefore currently primarily working my way through the archives of She's A Beast. BUT.

• This was all kicked off by A Physical Education: How I Escaped Diet Culture and Gained the Power of Lifting, Casey Johnston, inhaled; more comprehensive notes on this topic currently part way through being typed up.
• I am also about half way through (reading!) LIFTOFF: Couch to Barbell, also Casey Johnston, and am having fun starting to play with moving my body in ways.
• Continuing the theme of Moving Bodies In Ways and What Even Are Muscles, I have also started Science of Pilates (Tracy Ward).
• I also continue to work my way through What Is Queer Food?, John Birdsall, and am nearly done. Probably more thoughts on this at some point in the upcoming week.

Writing. Words continue to, very slowly, go up.

Listening. More Hidden Almanac. Very close to being caught up to the point I've theoretically listened to with A (some of which I wound up being asleep during)...

Playing. Inkulinati Exploders run on Master difficulty continues. We have now broken a quill (DEMONS :|) but we do continue to progress...

Another round (well, most of one) of The Little Orchard, this time with The Child deciding that we SHOULD turn the Bothersome Crows back over and put them back...

Cooking. New recipe! Meera Sodha's leek & chard martabak. Unlikely to make again but not sorry to have made.

Exploring. Adventures this week have included:

• Wood Green Mall, which contains PRIDE STAIRS, and the Community Diagnostic Centre, which contains GIANT WATERFOWL MURAL
• the walk between Wood Green underground station and Wood Green Mall, feat. ACORN BOLLARDS
• went for a bit of a Cross Walk one evening earlier this week (brain said AAAAAAH) and discovered along the way a fantastic white-with-pink-stripes camellia
• generally Going Out To Run Errands is currently accompanied by Many Flowers and that is nice, actually

Observing. flowersss.

Part of trying to use Dreamwidth more is realizing all the things I haven't shared here. Such as: As of December, after 16 years in Canada, I am now a Canadian Citizen!

I had a celebratory citizenship/birthday party last night, surrounded by the family and community I've joined/built here in Canada and it was so lovely and affirming and energizing in exactly the way I needed right now.

I'm going to be in France, The UK, Belgium, and Germany in May and June!

I'm quite sure I know many people in at least some of these places and I'd love to see as many of you as I can make happen!

As I noted to Ian just now, seeing things is great and awesome and absolutely something I want to do, but the highlight of travel for me is seeing people, especially ones I've known for ages but never met in person.

Tentative schedule currently is:

- arrive in Paris the morning of May 26th
- May 26-June 5 - various locations in France including but not necessarily limited to Paris and Limoges.
- plane from somewhere in France to Birmingham the morning of the 5th of June.
- June 5-7 VidUKon in Birmingham
- June 7-??? - various locations in the UK including London and Portsmouth, other options depending on people and travel options.
- ??? - Train from London to Brussels
- 2 days later - sleeper from Brussels to Berlin
- ??? (tbd quite soon) - fly home from Berlin.

I'll be buying my flight home in the next couple days, at which point all the dates between Birmingham and Berlin will firm up at least a bit.

This is going to be my first time in Europe since I lived in Berlin for three months in 2000. I've never been to France. I've never been to Belgium. The last time I was in England was a high school trip in 1997. It's all both incredibly exciting and kind of terrifying.

Also, while I've done some solo travelling in the US and Canada, both my previous trips to Europe I was always travelling with at least one other person. So that adds an extra layer of nerves.

So, where should I go??? Who should I see??? How much can I vibrate out of my skin with nerves and excitement between now and the end of May???

As usual, one just goes ahead and gets used to things, more or less.

( war and life )

TV: Am all caught up on Shrinking, The Pitt, Grey's (yes, still), most other shows I'm following. Started Young Sherlock, will probably continue. Started Vladimir, will probably not.

Raading: I have finished all of Ari Baran's books, have downloaded samples of basically every sports romance I could find recommended anywhere and am starting to explore them one by one, currently finishing E. L. Massey's Like Real People Do. Am definitely in the market for (a) sports romances you've loved recently, (b) general romances you've loved recently, (c) general novels you've loved recently that will kick me off this sports romance binge, and (d) your absolute heart-clenchingly favorite 20k+ Heated Rivalry fics.

(I read a bunch of HR fic after the show finished airing, and not really since. It's hard to find by kudos simply due to the massive volumes of kudos in this fandom and the bias towards popular fic posted earlier; I enjoyed various WAG-group-chat and epistolary/online media fics that I read early on, but at some point they started feeling a little repetitive and at this point what I'd really like is just: really fucking good long or semi-long fics that make you feel a lot of feels.)

Anxiolytic bugs me. Every time I look at it, I have to remember that it means "relieves anxiety" instead of "causes anxiety."

I suppose you could say it makes my temper [in]flammable.

This post brought to you by learning that someone I know has recently been prescribed Cymbalta without any of the "Quitting this might suck beyond the telling of it" warnings.