mf

I read this tumblr post a while ago and had thoughts about it. The post is all quotes from people who have felt (or still feel) that love is something they have to earn. I kept wanting to reach through the internet and tell them -

When you feel like the value you have as a person is something that can be quantified, and when you feel that it is your job to figure out what people find entertaining/charming/adorable and to be that, and when you feel like people might like you one day because you “got it right,” and they might not like you the next day, whether you changed anything or not, and when you feel like that's just normal, that's just how things are - ( Read more... )

Maybe this is coming up for me because I read an article about friendship breakups. Maybe it was the particular word choices in a psychology video. Or maybe... I don't know.( Read more... )

so when in 2019 I went for a cognitive evaluation, the psychologist made this comment:

"You express a lot of doubt."

He said that after we were done, referring to the objective portion of the tests. Memory questions, IQ questions, response speed questions, etc. Apparently, when I was answering, say, general knowledge questions, I nearly always added "I think?" or "I'm not sure" or "I'm pretty sure, but..."

"Do other people not do that?" I asked him.

"No, they don't."( Read more... )

I've been careful to tag entries like this "therapy" so they're easy to filter out? Please let me know if there's anything else I could or should be doing. Thank you, dreamwidth friends!

So last week my therapist asked me a bunch of questions about my relationship with my work colleagues, such as they are, and I tried to describe what worried me when I have to interact with them.

Mainly this boiled down to (1) fear of failing to guess their expectations (2) fear of being annoying. The first one has a whole subset of fears, including: fear I'll come across as controlling if I ask them what their expectations are. It's a whole Scylla and Charybdis... thing. ( Read more... )

So I'm experiencing fear.

My new therapist has given me exercises for identifying emotions, and I think that's what I'm feeling right now: fear.( Read more... )

I have a new therapist.

I broke up, so to speak, with my former therapist, in the summer of 2019. ( Read more... )