mf

I've had this tab open for a few days trying to think about how to describe my fears.

I think, ultimately, it's about being a disappointment. Not just doing a shit job at something, but having given someone a reason to believe in me and then fucking it up. That's the worst thing.

I'm not even sure why that's the thing for me. Is it just garden variety gifted child bullshit remnants? Is it that I experienced some particularly bad moment of someone else's disappointment? If so, it's not one I can remember. Is it just 'I have anxiety problems'? IDK it doesn't even feel like it's a question that makes sense to answer. Of course that's the worst thing. Of course it is.

Your post also made me think about whether there's anything I'm shameless about, and I don't think there is. What would it even feel like to not overthink things?

(Hi, this is me having responded to your post by talking entirely about me, hope that's not disappointing, hahahaha oh god)